Vogon Poetry Contest Rules
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Submissions Wanted for the Library's Are you the best Vogon poet in Vancouver? Does your poetic prose melt paint off walls or cause spontaneous vomiting? Do your sonnets make even the most hardened criminals beg for mercy? Prove it and you will win $100 Canadian Earth Dollars! We are looking for the absolutely worst poems in the universe to be presented slam style at our evening gala . If selected, you will present your work in the most outlandishly horrible fashion possible to gain the favour of five randomly selected judges. |
The Rules:
"Vogon poetry is of course the third worst in the Universe." Repulsive and unpleasant sounding, Vogon poetry contains made-up words that are not curse words, but sound as if they are. Vogon poems can be about anything, nothing in particular or something generally thought to be disgusting like, burps or throwing up.
For examples of Vogon poetry, see Chapter 7 of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or this fine selection of utterly wretched poems here. (READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!)
Extra respect will be awarded for referencing any or all of the following:
- Author's name: Douglas Adams
- A location in Vancouver
- A celestial body
- The name of a kitchen utensil
- A disease
- Word(s) associated with a library
AND...
- Points might be deducted if the poet laughs (except ironically), stumbles over one of their made-up words, or looks happy during presentation
- Silly costumes, props and an energetic slam style are encouraged
- Poems must not exceed three minutes
The fine print:
- Entrants should submit two poems for consideration. One poem will be a backup poem for finalists in the sudden death "Vog-off" (see below).
- The top three contestants will each perform a second, "sudden death" poem, not to exceed three minutes. (This is the Vog-off).
- Each poem submitted must be the original work of the entrant.
- Participants must not have granted any person or entity other than the Library the right to use their poems.
- All submissions become property of the Vancouver Public Library, and will not be returned to entrants.
- Entrants grant the Library and affiliated organizations unlimited royalty-free use of their submissions and permission to create, copy, reproduce, exhibit, publish or distribute submitted poems. Uses may include, but are not limited to, DVDs, photographs, websites, multimedia programs, print or other types of promotional media existing now or in the future.
- A panel of judges will determine the winning poem. The judges' decisions, regarding placing and interpretation of the rules, are final.
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